I have been thinking a lot about loneliness since returning from London. Emma Barnet from Radio 5 asked me whether my time in the limelight was a lonely one. I could feel the tears welling as I answered yes.
To be honest, it was the loneliest I have ever been, but I never talk about it, which is why the tears well up. Emma had opened a box I had shut and hidden a long time ago.
We are social animals and having a social life, close friends, and talking and interacting with other people has been statistically proven to be what helps us live the longest. When you are in the public eye your social environment changes. You have to become extra cautious about whom to trust and what other people's interests in you may be. I felt I had to live up to the Celebrity Rebecca so on the outside showed happy smiles but on the inside, I was in a dark and lonely place. At one point it got frighteningly dark and I was quietly screaming for someone to save me.
The person who saved me? My son! When I fell unexpectantly pregnant in October 2008, life changed completely and the focus was on the little being inside of me. I have not felt lonely since.